Alarming News

August 28, 2009

The inevitable alpha male post (Jessica)

I don’t think my stint as a guest blogger would be complete without a post about the alpha male. It is one of my favorite topics, although I rarely write about it. I’m certainly no expert on the inner psych of the genders, but I can offer my female perspective on the issue. Two of my favorite blogs to read on the subject are written by fellow guest blogger T, and Roisy from DC. I’ve never read The Game but I hear that’s essentially the alpha male’s bible.

It seems like tons of women are satisfied with what is known as the ‘beta male’ which is essentially another girlfriend in their relationship and I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. For us women who still appreciate the man who behaves like a man (with a silly boyish tendency of course) I’ve listed below the three traits I think are the most important alpha male traits.

Posted by Jessica at 12:04 PM |
Comments

It’s *almost* entirely a question of status.

Posted by: Allah at August 28, 2009 at 12:41 pm

You lost me right at the positive mention of Roissy.
What a loser(not you, him).
Speaking of female perspective: a normal woman would not want to engage in endless theoretical blathering about abstract “alphas and betas” and their traits, because she is not aiming at quantity, only at quality. One is enough, generally. To get to that one, of course, sometimes takes a life and more than a few false starts, but the goal is always The One vs. male’s – The More The Better.
So talking in terms “girls like this or that in a man” is meaningless.

Posted by: Tatyana at August 28, 2009 at 12:49 pm

I’m so glad you wrote this down. I so sick of women saying they want a man who shows their emotions, while I don’t want my man to be a wall, I certainly don’t want to be the guys psychiatrist. Oh and the decision thing, a must – know what you want men, that’s hotter than trying to please the girl. Nothing is better than having your own opinion. Right on.
P.S. If someone knows a Jewish guy who fits the above description in his late 20’s/early 30’s in the New York area. I know a fantastic girl for them, she’s pretty, interesting, smart, and all around awesome. (I mean the pretty: she’s petite, beautiful eyes, a brunette – I seriously don’t know why she’s still single.) Email me.

Posted by: Petitedov at August 28, 2009 at 12:55 pm

It seems like tons of women are satisfied with what is known as the ‘beta male’ which is essentially another girlfriend in their relationship and I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. For us women who still appreciate the man who behaves like a man (with a silly boyish tendency of course) I’ve listed below the three traits I think are the most important alpha male traits.

I’ve given up on trying to figure this part out. It’s especially bad in Brooklyn. It’s confounded so many people, both male and female, that I’m thinking of interviewing 100 male and female hipsters and compiling a book about their dating rituals. It would be a huge seller because so many people want to figure out what the hell’s going on there.

Posted by: T. AKA Ricky Raw at August 28, 2009 at 12:58 pm

Allah but isn’t the question how a male attains that status?
Tatyana, Roissy is certainly controversial but I think if females got past the womanizing bit they would admit he is entirely spot on. The way I see it, quantity is important as it’s sort of like the law of large numbers or efficient markets. In the long term, it approaches the ideal ‘one’.
T, Amazing idea, whenever I’m in Brooklyn I think I have some sort of theory figured out but observing these relationships for long enough just confuses me all over again.

Posted by: Jessica at August 28, 2009 at 1:56 pm

“So talking in terms “girls like this or that in a man” is meaningless.”
T, this claim of yours might have more credibility if you hadn’t used the exact same reliance on stereotypes you are decrying above in sentence # 3 and #5.
#3 “a normal woman would not want to engage in endless theoretical blathering [...] because she is not aiming at quantity, only at quality.
#5 “of course, [...] the goal is always The One vs. male’s – The More The Better.

Posted by: Ed at August 28, 2009 at 2:19 pm

J, roissy is absolutely not “spot on”. Maybe when you grow up, you’ll understand why. (I just looked at your photo. You appear to be about half my age).
“Markets” have nothing to do with choosing a life partner – and choosing a life partner is what women do (mainstream women. We are not talking outliers here, right?) The point behind numerous roissy’s and his huge commentariat is to develop a working game theory how to hook up with as many women as physiologically possible, and for that they ask all sorts of questions “what girls are looking for” and devise tactics “how to appeal to girls”. “Girls”, on the contrary, don’t want to appeal to ALL men. They don’t even want ALL men. Samantha from SITC is a myth. I’m sure if T. (hi, T! I think I remember you from ages ago @2Blowhards’ threads) if T. will conduct his questionnaire, he’s discover that no 2 girls have identical ideal in mind when they are out looking.
Just look at your married girlfriends – can you imagine yourself with their husbands? I know I don’t want any of them; there is always something’s wrong (sometimes – horribly wrong).
The “law of large numbers” applies to male model of searching, not female.

Posted by: Tatyana at August 28, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Ed, it’s not stereotype. It’s life experience.

Posted by: Tatyana at August 28, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Life experiences ARE stereotypes.

Posted by: Ed at August 28, 2009 at 2:34 pm

True “alpha” males really are not heroes of desirable relationships. They’re pretty much jerks and womanizers.
Ideal male relationship candidates, sometimes confused for true “alpha” males, are those guys who are intrinsically motivated to be in a relationship. These guys are truly motivated by the experience of being in the relationship. They aren’t in the relationship solely to please the woman (beta), they are in the relationship to please themselves. These are the good guys to be with. They will manifest many of the classic “alpha” male traits without doting on you all the time or cheating on you after a few months.
A true “alpha” male is extrinsically motivated. He’s in a relationship solely to garner the attention of his male peers. See “trophy wife.” Watch out for these guys. As soon as the compliments he receives from his male friends for having such a pretty girlfriend begin to fade, he will be on the prowl for the next trophy, cuz he’s not really in the relationship to please himself.

Posted by: Jason at August 28, 2009 at 3:00 pm

Life experiences ARE stereotypes.

This sentence was so simple yet profound it blew my mind.

Posted by: T. AKA Ricky Raw at August 28, 2009 at 3:11 pm

T., your mind, as I’ve noticed before, is not so flimsy as that.

Posted by: Tatyana at August 28, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Ed, I guess whole scientific discipline of evolutionary biology is a stereotype with you, too. Pray, tell, what are your objections to either of my statements. Anecdots like “I had a girl acquaintance and she blew me off with she’s not looking for a committed relationship” do not count.

Posted by: Tatyana at August 28, 2009 at 3:31 pm

T, re-read my original comment to find my objection. Which is quite apart from any of my views on evolutionary biology.
“Maybe when you [Jessica] grow up, you’ll understand why.”
So you are in your 50’s or 60’s? Is this your appeal to authority? Or are you just cutting on Jessica?

Posted by: Ed at August 28, 2009 at 8:24 pm

Ed, for a guy who knows so much you ask suspiciously many questions.
And are very crude – in your attempt to suck up to Jessica.

Posted by: Tatyana at August 28, 2009 at 9:42 pm

T, it is the path to knowledge. Of which mine is self admittedly very incomplete. But what are you trying to hide?

Posted by: Ed at August 28, 2009 at 9:55 pm
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