Alarming News

May 21, 2009

I hate that she and I share a gender

If only all of us would stand up to “the patriarchy” like this brave, brave woman who puts on her “man-panties” (seriously) and goes to work every day knowing that men just want to rape her (seriously), what a better world it would be.

Posted by Karol at 07:46 PM |
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Well I have it on good authority that it is, in fact, a woman who runs Elle. FWIW.

Posted by: Dave at May 21, 2009 at 8:54 pm

And, Vogue. And most other fashion magazines. And if it’s men running fashion, those men are usually gay.

Posted by: Karol at May 21, 2009 at 9:49 pm

I love trolling Feministing.
It’s like they handed an entire website over to people who had just undergone lobotomies.
This, though, is the best part:
Posted by masculine_lady – May 21, 2009, at 04:00PM | in Deep Thoughts

Posted by: Gerard at May 21, 2009 at 11:19 pm

*restrains urge to make flippant Jack Handy reference*

Posted by: Gerard at May 21, 2009 at 11:45 pm

I can’t help but feel sorry for this person. She obviously feels she has been abused through her formative years, and might feel better trying to get over these things instead of obsessing. I also don’t understand the reference to Michael Steele, or how her sexuality is supposed to be a statement rather than just how it is for her. Her fears seem to rule her more than her passions IMO.

Posted by: bryan at May 22, 2009 at 3:07 am

I’m not sure if you do share a gender. The author says:
Sometimes, I think I am being paranoid. But then another transperson is killed, and I get reminded that maybe I am not paranoid. Like I said, I am not transgendered, but my gender is certainly transgressive. And rigid gender ideas are the props of the patriarchy. If we start to push the boundaries of gender, we push at the foundation of patriarchal power
I can’t tell if this is a woman or a man, and I’d guess that the author doesn’t know either. I have no idea what to think about this very messed-up person, but I feel sorry for his/her kid

Posted by: Mary at May 22, 2009 at 9:09 am

Yeah, I pity her too. She’s obviously very damaged. Maybe it’s life; maybe she was made that way. Sad.

Posted by: Eric at May 22, 2009 at 9:52 am

Karol at said:
This comment has been deleted.
Vanessa said:
Sorry about that, folks. Karol has been banned.
May 22, 2009 9:31 AM

Posted by: Gerard at May 22, 2009 at 10:07 am

Karol what did you say that was so hateful, that perhaps not every man is a rapist?

Posted by: Tex in the City at May 22, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Pretty much. I also added that I think her main problem is that the crazies around her reinforce her nutty view of the world. Oh and also that no one cares how fat she is or her masculine and that’s probably what she’s most angry about–the lack of attention.

Posted by: Karol at May 22, 2009 at 12:07 pm

I think it’s that strangers don’t cotton to her man-panties.

Posted by: Gerard at May 22, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Or that man don’t pant at the sight of her straining cotton.

Posted by: bryan at May 22, 2009 at 9:43 pm

That bitch is an execrable cunt. Oh, did I say that?

Posted by: Perry Eidelbus at May 23, 2009 at 10:13 am

Perry, don’t. Or oyu’re going to sound like Casca and thus confirm to that woman’s (yes, she’s a woman and there is SOME truth in what she’s saying )stereotype.

Posted by: Tatyana at May 23, 2009 at 11:13 am

its vaguely funny that you all assume she’s unattractive. because like fatties are like lame.
no actual critical argument, just playground bully speak.
insecure much? LOL ^-^ ^-^

Posted by: rachie <3 at May 24, 2009 at 8:45 pm

Yes, rachie. We avoid crazy people because… we’re insecure.

Posted by: Eric at May 25, 2009 at 9:51 am

You know, the video of the song you used at your wedding–the one by Bright Eyes–it’s full of queer people like her. Did you realize that? Are you sure you want to promote that on your site?

Posted by: JT at May 26, 2009 at 3:33 pm

I have no problem with queer people, that’s ridiculous. I have a problem with people who propagate hate of either gender like she does. Or do you not realize that her goal is to make others hate (straight) men too? Furthermore, her backward ideas set her own life back too. Cause, you know, the personal is political.

Posted by: Karol at May 26, 2009 at 3:39 pm

First, she doesn’t propagate hate of a gender. Masculine and feminine are genders. Male and female are sexes. She considers herself a masculine female. If anything, she could be construed as disliking the male sex (not the masculine gender).
But in fact, I don’t believe she is in opposition to the male sex. If you read carefully, she admits that she is overly reductionist: when she says “men” she doesn’t mean all men; rather, she is referring to the way some (or even many) men act, under patriarchy. The real fault lies at the feet of this system, not at the feet of individual men (unless those individual men are behaving badly, of course). I think this is an important distinction, and perhaps she was not as eloquent as she could have been, but I’m pretty sure this is what she meant.
Similarly, when she writes, “men rape women,” she doesn’t mean ALL men rape ALL women. She means that in general, when rape is perpetrated, it is men that are raping women.
I love individual men. When I read her post, I do not believe that she wants me to hate them. I believe that she is expressing frustration with a system that puts men and women in opposition to each other.
Patriarchy prescribes certain gender roles (which is why the difference between gender and sex is confusing). Her masculine actions (such as wearing clothing that is designated as men’s, or her refusal to accept certain feminine roles) are an affront to patriarchy. This is what she means when she writes that she “lives in opposition.”
(Also, many, if not most, queer people feel similarly. If you have a problem with her, you most likely have a problem with queer people in general. The others might just be afraid to express those feelings.)
Please, let’s read carefully and show respect for other people–other people who are not harming anyone else, who are simply looking for a space for themselves in a system that tells them that they are less worthy than others. Listen when she says that she feels fear for her safety when she, as a masculine woman, enters the women’s bathroom. Listen when she says she was raped by a man, and works everyday with other women who have been raped or abused by men, and think about how this might affect her worldview, how she might be frustrated with a system that perpetuates this behavior.
She’s not crazy; she’s simply different, outside your realm of experience. Get out more. Listen to the views of people different from yourself. You don’t have to like them, but please try to have empathy for your fellow human beings.

Posted by: JT at May 27, 2009 at 12:40 pm

You have no idea what my experience is. I have known many gender dysphoric people throughout my life, I consider a drag queen among my closest friends (whom, I assure you, has more problems dressing as a woman than that writer has dressing as a man), and none of them have the backward thinking that the writer of that post has. She is paranoid and sick and encouraged by others on that site. The story of the woman in the bathroom, who she imagines will tell her boyfriend of the manly woman in the restroom and he’ll *hurt* her, is just so twisted. She should be seeking psychiatric help, not be encouraged in her mental problems as if they are normal thoughts of a normal, healthy person.
Basically, she is the female version of the men she despises, the ones who seem women as objects, the ones who mistreat women and think ill of them. It’s just acceptable because she’s a woman that she can openly hate men and no one will think that’s weird. Again, she should be seeking help, and you should be encouraging that. Sometimes acceptance of everything is *not* the right way to help someone.

Posted by: Karol at May 27, 2009 at 12:48 pm

It’s true, I don’t know your experience. I only know that most people that I know who have queer people in their lives, show other queer people more empathy and respect than you do.
And you have no idea what her experience is (other than the few paragraphs she wrote), you don’t have a psych degree (as far as I can tell), and yet you feel fine asserting that she needs psychiatric help.
Why is she paranoid for thinking she might be hurt? I know of actual cases where that very thing has occurred. It sound no more unreasonable than a lone woman asking for an escort to her car at night, fearing she might be attacked. The stats say it is unlikely, but it is still a fear that many women have, just as being confronted as a butch woman is a real fear, because it does happen.
Please point out where she shows that she hates men, as opposed to hating patriarchy. For example, is she calling specific men such things as “bitch” or “execrable cunt”?
Does your drag queen friend count you as one of his closest friends? Whether he expresses them to you or not, I would imagine he has similar fears about physical attacks, and I would also imagine that he also dislikes patriarchy, the system that perpetuates negative attitudes about men who dress in women’s clothing. How can you not see that this is the same thing as a woman with masculine attributes? How can you not see that patriarchy hurts them both? Does your friend discuss these feelings with you? Maybe you should ask him about it.
In any case, you have totally ignored my point that OP is speaking about patriarchy and in generalities about some men’s behavior. If you don’t like her, fine. But argue fairly; don’t argue against things she didn’t actually say or mean. I explained how her words show that she doesn’t hate men, just patriarchy, and you ignored it altogether.

Posted by: JT at May 27, 2009 at 5:42 pm

Dude, it’s not about her being queer, at all, it’s about her having serious issues.
Look, people get into car accidents all the time. But if someone walked around randomly afraid of cars, sure that they will be hurt by one, we tell that person to get HELP.
You keep saying how she hates the “patriarchy” and not individual men. Um, it’s actually much more reasonable to hate individual men than it is to hate men collectively. If someone hated women the way she hates men, you wouldn’t stand for it. OPEN YOUR EYES.
And my friend has been my friend since I was 14, refers to himself as my mother and would laugh in that girl’s face. Cause you know, turns out, not all “queer” people are exactly the same. They have personalities and identities outside their sexual orientation or gender views. CRAZY, I know.

Posted by: Karol at May 28, 2009 at 11:29 am

My eyes are open wide enough that I can read the dictionary. Just as gender =/= sex, patriarchy =/= men. Hating patriarchy is not hating men; patriarchy also hurts men. But if you refuse to use logic, there is nothing more I can say on that topic.
As a queer person, I was totally unaware that I had an identity and personality outside my orientation. But thanks for opening my eyes.
I also have shared experiences with other queer people, some of whom have been verbally and physically attacked precisely because of their orientations and gender views. In addition, by many accounts (you can Google it), violence against GLBT people has risen over the past years–you can argue with the Associated Press or any of the others that publish these results. I would think that reasonable people would read about the recent murders and harassment of queer folk and take this into account when thinking about their own safety. Similarly, someone like me might remember the time her girlfriend was escorted by police from the women’s bathroom for appearing male, and then threatened by two men outside the facility–or maybe recall the story an ex told her about being punched in a parking lot by a man using homophobic expletives–and fear for the safety of herself or other women in similar circumstances. Apparently, you think this unwise. Just because it has happened lots of times before doesn’t mean it will ever happen again, right?
And certainly, because you have a male friend that dresses in women’s clothing, you know firsthand about the experience as a lesbian or trans-identified woman. I should have bowed to your experience immediately, rather than counting on my own, or on the experiences of the many queer friends in my community. I’m sure we could all learn a lot from you.
I guess I was naive in thinking that you might respond positively to a reasoned discussion. Now I believe you’re simply meanspirited. You are not actually addressing my points, and interacting with you has only made me sad and frustrated. I’m done.

Posted by: Anonymous at May 28, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Look at what you’re saying, your pointing to individual incidents to blame *all* men under the guise of blaming some vague “patriarchy”. If I gave you examples of black people hurting white friends and concluded that white people have a right to be afraid of black people, would that be ok? Whatever, you’re done, be done, but none of what you all propagate makes sense and you’d be happier people if you didn’t fill your heads with this nonsense.

Posted by: Karol at May 28, 2009 at 6:21 pm
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