December 31, 2008
Israel laughs in their face. Faces?
December 30, 2008
We’re in Aruba and, because we’re considering this hotel for our wedding, they upgraded us to a presidential suite and delivered champagne and chocolate to the room. So, obviously, for the rest of our lives we’ll be telling any and all hotels we visit that they are in the running to host our upcoming function because wow, the presidential suite is pretty cool.
UPDATE: “What, you never stayed in a suite before, kid?”-my brother upon hearing multiple raves about the room.
Dave Barry sums up 2008. January:
Not competing in Iowa are Rudy Giuliani, whose strategy is to stay out of the race until he is mathematically eliminated…
New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer becomes embroiled in an embarrassing scandal when a criminal investigation reveals that he looks like a large suit-wearing rodent. Also he has been seeing a high-class prostitute known as ”Kristen” in a Washington, D.C., hotel. Spitzer resigns in disgrace; ”Kristen,” hounded by the press and no longer able to pursue her profession, receives a $23 billion bailout from the federal government.
The CEOs of the Increasingly Small Three auto makers return to Washington to resume pleading for a bailout, this time telling Congress that if they can reach an agreement that day, they will throw in the undercoating, the satellite-radio package AND a set of floor mats. ”We’re actually LOSING MONEY on this deal!” they assure Congress. Finally they reach a $13.4 billion agreement under which the car companies will continue to provide jobs, medical insurance and pension benefits, but will cease producing actual cars. The agreement will be overseen by the federal government, using its legendary ability to keep things on budget.
December 29, 2008
I always believed you were born gay, even before that became the only acceptable opinion on homosexuality.
I now know FOUR gay people who have “gone straight” and married women.
I also know one straight guy who, after a bad break-up with a woman, decided to only date men.
What’s up with that?
Ace of Spades is having a Moron-blog party in New York tonight. I’m not looking like I can make it right now but if you’re interested, email blog.someone at gmail.com.
Haha, I’m going to Aruba tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, the Cowboys had a spectacular flame-out and it sucked and they should fire sweet, sweet Wade.
But at least I don’t root for a team from New Jersey. Or a team from, shudder, New England. So I’ll take it.
December 28, 2008
Headline of the Day: Woman who’s never worked: I’ll work twice as hard
Best comment on the post linked above: “I love the befuddled look on her mug when he asks her whether they’d even be talking about her if her last name wasn’t Kennedy. “OMG, I wasn’t expecting that one!” And of course her answer made zero sense so she’ll probably be great for the Senate.”
France also called for the truce to be renewed and rallied European nations to use ”all their weight” to stop the fighting between Israel and Hamas.
”We have entered a new spiral of despair,” French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner told the Journal du Dimanche in an interview published Sunday. ”The truce must be restored.’
On the plus side, I’m pretty sure “European nations” using “all their weight” means running and crying to America or, laughably, the UN. So good luck with that.
December 27, 2008
Very, very says a guy that wants to maintain that canard:
As a proud Jew, I want America to know about our accomplishment. Yes, we control Hollywood. Without us, you’d be flipping between “The 700 Club” and “Davey and Goliath” on TV all day.
So I’ve taken it upon myself to re-convince America that Jews run Hollywood by launching a public relations campaign, because that’s what we do best. I’m weighing several slogans, including: “Hollywood: More Jewish than ever!”; “Hollywood: From the people who brought you the Bible”; and “Hollywood: If you enjoy TV and movies, then you probably like Jews after all.”
Hat-tip Michael Parker.
December 26, 2008
I’m live-twittering my day-after-Christmas shopping experience, in case you’re bored at work and want to know what’s going down at a mall in NJUSA.
December 25, 2008
I could spend the rest of the weekend listening to nothing but old Kitt songs, and probably will.
December 24, 2008
I can relate. I once chose Jerusalem Movers solely based on the name and they totally ripped me off. Still, I imagine having millions of dollars stolen is probably worse than 400 cassette tapes in 1999.
UPDATE: I love Judaism! No, you can never atone, not ever ever:
“It is not possible for him to atone for all the damage he did,” the rabbi said, “and I don’t even think that there is a punishment that is commensurate with the crime, for the wreckage of lives that he’s left behind. The only thing he could do, for the rest of his life, is work for redemption that he would never achieve.”
…and safe travels to all.