December 31, 2005
Under New Management (by Dawn Summers)
It’s been more than 48 hours since any contact from Karol.
I can only assume this means that there was a fierce battle, and she did not survive.
In accordance with her expressed wishes, this site is now all mine.
Be prepared for some big changes in the coming New Year.
Oh, and I should probably say some kind words about my predecessor…ummm…she had red hair.
And I have an air tight alibi.
Have a happy and healthy 2006!
December 30, 2005
Wiretapping that ass (by guest blogger Julia)
Hey, I finally figured out why liberal Democrats have been up in arms over the discovery that the government wiretaps some telephone conversations. They’re worried that their own conversations could be tapped, and that Bush will hear all their phone sex calls.
Seriously, sex is usually the driving force at the bottom of any liberal policy position. You can trace almost any of their positions back to sex. For example, why do you think they don’t want the Ten Commandments hanging in the classrooms? Because one of those commandments says thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, and liberals are like, “We think the kids should make their own decisions about that.” And why do you think a liberal doesn’t want you to own a gun? Because he doesn’t want to get shot in case he sleeps with your wife.
I outline a good many more of these in an old article titled “It’s the Sex, Stupid.”
Unacknowledged Liberal Credo: Give me liberty or give me tyranny. Just so long as I can still have sex.
Psychic Arabia (by guest blogger Julia)
In what seems to be becoming an annual tradition in Lebanon, psychics and astrologers go on TV on New Year’s Eve to tell viewers what to expect for the following year, according to this AP report. In his annual appearance on LBC TV last year, psychic Michel Hayek “said a huge attack in the capital would disrupt life in downtown Beirut. Six weeks later, a car bomb killed former Prime Minister Rafik Hariri and 21 others.”
Hey, here’s a question for a Lebanese psychic: When are your people going to stop blowing stuff up?
Technorati Tags: Lebanon+Explosion Beirut+Bombing Rafik+Hariri Rafik+Hariri+Killing
December 29, 2005
Technorati Tags: Kate+Burton Kidnapped+Gaza Gaza+Strip+Kidnapping Suicide+Bomber+West+Bank
In a strongly worded rebuttal, angry congressional Democrats state that, because of a scheduling mixup, they missed the President’s speech, but whatever he said, they totally disagree with it, and if they once voted in favor of it, they did so only because the President lied to them.
Charges against Gary Glitter, who was arrested in Vietnam on November 19th for child molestation, have been dropped.
Two weeks ago, according to Glitter’s lawyer, the former glam rocker paid the families of the two Vietnamese girls he was accused of abusing $2,000 each for their “cooperation.” Since then, both families have gone to the local authorities and requested that the charges be dropped.
Technorati Tags: Gary+Glitter Gary+Glitter+Child+Molestation+Charges
Update: Yikes. Apparently this story has already made quite a splash in the blogosphere. That’s what I get for being at sea this week.
On the beach in Barbados, a guy smoking a joint and carrying a jar of weed approaches my mother and brother. He asks my brother if he’d like to buy some. The dialogue:
Brother: ‘Is this generally good for business, approaching a guy sitting with his mom?’
Drug Dealer: ‘That’s your mom!? I thought it was your girlfriend.’
Mom: ‘Heehee, the druggie thought I was young enough to be your girlfriend!’
Note to self (and advice to fair-skinned people everywhere): Do not forget to put sunblock on the tops of your hands and feet and– most importantly– on your ears.
December 28, 2005
Cookie Cutting (by guest blogger Julia)
Hopefully the Orlando NAACP chief who recently switched to the GOP doesn’t go through what Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele went through when he was running for the Lt. Governor position in 2002: his Democratic opponent’s supporters came to a debate with boxes of Oreo cookies, and reportedly started pelting them at the black Republican candidate. The message, of course, being that real black people can only be Democrats.
But if it does happen again, Republicans should know that Oreo is keeping up with the times. They developed a new cookie called White Fudge. Because if you can’t be black and be a Republican, then you can’t be white and be a Democrat, or else you’re acting black. Let the pelting ensue.
Ramadan/Eid al-fitr Post Script (by guest blogger Julia)
The executive director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations in Pembroke Pines, Florida offered his view to Florida’s Sun-Sentinel about why this year’s Ramadan was special:
“What I think is very significant this year is that taking into consideration all that has happened within the Muslims who live in America and the … challenges that we faced, the month of Ramadan once again boosts our morale and it increased our self-esteem,” he said. “And once again we apply forgiveness toward those who have wronged us in many ways; the negative publicity and the injustices passed upon us.”
That’s all we need: Muslims with even more self-esteem than whatever it is that’s making them ensure that theirs is “the world’s sole supreme religion.” In fact, it seems that as soon as you convert to Islam, you get an immediate morale boost. Just listen to new Muslina (Muslim Latina) Melissa Matos, who “clasps her hands excitedly and a smile spreads from ear-to-ear” when she talks about her new faith:
“Its simplicity and its universality, it’s for every culture, for every time, every country, it’s for everyone,” she said.
I’d say that if you’re recruiting people to kill and be killed for you, you’ve got pretty good self-esteem. Although if your goal is to make your people more suicidial, boosting their morale may be a bit counterproductive, no? Unless, of course, we’re looking at a new diagnosis wherein excessive self-esteem produces suicidal tendencies.
Eid al-fitr is the holiday that closes Ramadan. A friend of mine who had never heard of it before this year asked, “What do they do–exchange bombs?”
Technorati Tags: CAIR Council+on+American+Islamic+Relations Muslims Islam
December 27, 2005
The fabulous Julia Gorin is a stand-up comic and writer. Her writing has appeared everywhere including FoxNews.com, Opinion Journal, Frontpage Magazine, Jewish World Review and many other places. Make sure to check out her site for all her articles, interviews (including one in Penthouse magazine) and her brand new blog. Like me, she’s a Russian-born Jew. Until recently she lived in my building with her cutie husband Lev but then they moved away to Las Vegas. The upper east side hasn’t been the same since. I think she’s a little skeptical about this whole blogging thing. Be nice to her and show her what it’s all about. Thanks, Julia!
Update: While putting together Julia’s bio, I had a chance to read a few of her pieces that I’d missed in the last few months. Check out her article about her birth in a Russian hospital and her scathing takedown of the ADL’s Abe Foxman and the American Jewish left.
Conversations I’ve heard in the last 24 hours:
British blackjack dealer: ‘Oh, you’re from Canada? What’s that like?’
Canadian guy at the table: ‘It’s beautiful, you should come visit, there’s a lot to see.’
American guy at the table: ‘Are you telling me there’s something worth seeing in Canada? You must be joking Where?! Where?!
Same British blackjack dealer as above: ‘…and we don’t get a lot of snow so when we do get it, everything shuts down.’
Same Canadian guy as above: ‘Well, I don’t think that’s because of the snow, everyone knows the British can’t drive.’
Overheard: ‘And they say that if Christopher Columbus traveled through time and visited the new world he had discovered, Dominica would be the only place he’d be able to recognize, they’ve made just about no progress since then.’
Overheard: ‘That table? No, a fat Puerto Rican family sits at that table.’
A man in a turban walks by wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a clock with a peace sign inside. The lettering reads ‘Time for Peace.’ Guy walking by says to his wife: ‘that would be a lot more believeable if I didn’t see the clock and picture it as part of a bomb.’
Happy New Year from Bill Clinton! (by guest blogger Julia)
Well, it looks like the Albanian mafia in this country—much of whose proceeds are exchanged with al Qaeda et al—is outpacing both its Italian and Russian counterparts. Boy, it’s a good thing we “rescued” and resettled that clan here.
In Kosovo, meanwhile, the Albanian Muslims have been attacking UN and NATO ever since NATO “saved” them, and gearing up for all-out war against the West this year if it stands in the way of the logical conclusion of the jihad we helped them fight six years ago. That is, full independence (i.e. an Islamic-narco-terror Mafia state without peacekeeper oversight). Such are the fruits of Bill Clinton’s “successful war.” Then again, for Democrats, that is a successful war. After all, we fought for the enemy.
People talk about George W. Bush alienating Europe? Hello-o! Bill Clinton BOMBED Europe! Interestingly, in his penchant for apologizing to people of color, Clinton recently apologized to Rwandans for failing to prevent their genocide. But he has no intention of apologizing for the genocide he helped mastermind–that of Serbs in Kosovo. After all, Serbs are white and–barf–Christian. So what would be the political point of that?
Incidentally, subsequent investigations have found that there was no ethnic cleansing or genocide of Albanian “Kosovars” (Muslims) by Serbs. But who gives a damn? So what if we bombed the Serbs and handed the Balkans to al Qaeda on a silver platter? What’s a Serb, anyway?
Meanwhile, here’s a mini starter guide on the pronunciation of Kosovo—a region that hasn’t finished with us:
The correct spelling of Kosovo is Kosovo, accent on the first syllable. The made-up Muslim spelling is Kosova, accent on the middle syllable. The latter pronunciation is used by Muslims and dhimmis like Wesley Clark, Bill Clinton, Richard Holbrooke and other Dhimmicrats. So if you’re not a Muslim but pronounce Kosovo as ‘Kosova’, then you should be pronouncing Muslim as ‘Master’, or ‘Massa’.
What does Kosovo mean in the Serbian language? “Black bird” (or, more accurately, “of the blackbird”). And what does ‘Kosova’ mean in Albanian? It doesn’t.
Because Kosovo is Serbian. But we’ll be taking it from the Serbs and giving it to the terrorists over the next few months. After all, we gave them Bosnia; let’s be consistent. And what are we giving the Serbs? Nothing. Because unlike the others, they don’t attack UN, NATO and Americans, so why should we give them anything?
Slight problem: Serbia isn’t giving up Kosovo, and Albanians aren’t taking “no” for an answer. So look for a 2006 war in Kosovo (the Albanians have been readying for it since ‘99). Can we take the right side this time? Please?
White Guilt is Confusing the Minorities (by guest blogger Julia)
Brent Bozell has announced the Media Research Center’s “Notable Quotables” for 2005, awards for the year’s worst reporting. The best comes from Asian-American CNN anchor Carol Lin, in which she reported, “It’s been 11 days since two African-American teenagers were killed, electrocuted during a police chase, which prompted all of this.”
She was talking about the riots in France. (And the teenagers were Tunisian-French.)
Politically Incorrect Christmas/Hanukkah Party? (by guest blogger Julia)
Last week, I got an e-vite from a conservative group to come to a “Politically Incorrect Christmas/Hanukkah party”. While it’s a good-willed and much appreciated gesture to include the minor Jewish holiday that falls around Christmas, it occurred to me that you can’t have a politically incorrect Christmas/Hanukkah party. You can only have a politically incorrect Christmas party—and invite Jews who are happy about it. Because Hanukkah was the original minor ethnic holiday that the no-godniks seized on to play up and undermine Christianity. On the other hand, Jews are the politically incorrect minority, so I guess they have a point. Never mind.
Technorati Tags: Politically+Correct+Holiday+Parties Christmas Hannukah
We Hope It’s Not Royal Caribbean! (by guest blogger Julia)
While I’m waiting for that perfect introduction by Karol, I just want to wish her and her family a safe return from the cruise next week, ESPECIALLY AFTER READING THIS! (I’ve stayed off of ships ever since getting stalked myself on a Carnival cruise at the age of 14 by a one-eyed Spanish porter.)
Forget the ships, people. If it’s buffets and gambling you want, come to Vegas. The Strip is like a sprawling cruise ship except without the kidnappings, rapes and “pirates” (i.e. Muslim terrorists).
Technorati Tags: Royal+Caribbean Cruises Cruise Cruise+Ship+Dangers Missing+People+Cruises