Alarming News

November 29, 2004

In an effort to make ‘Apple Martin’ feel better about herself…..

Julia Roberts has named her twins Hazel Patricia Moder and Phinnaeus Walter Moder. Phinnaeus and Hazel. Great. But, whatever, who am I to talk. I want to name my future sons Sebastian and D’Artagnan.

Posted by Karol at 12:44 AM |

Pie Allah Moder
Alec Trek Moder
But nobody asked me…

Posted by: Fred Boness at November 29, 2004 at 2:28 am

Phinnaeus Walter?! Let’s hope the kid develops his father’s washboard abs.

Posted by: Vanessa at November 29, 2004 at 8:36 am

Well, I suppose that’s better than Paltrow’s baby name: Apple. Yuck!

Posted by: Lena G. at November 29, 2004 at 8:54 am

Don’t do it Karol ! Athos and Artemis are much cooler. But D’Artagan is cooler than Porthos.

Posted by: Von Bek at November 29, 2004 at 8:58 am

I believe in simple, non-flowery names for male c

Examples include, but are certainly not limited to: Joe, John, Dave, Jim, Jack, Bob, Sam, Mike, Rick, Greg.

Posted by: The Unabrewer at November 29, 2004 at 9:23 am

WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS?!? Isn’t there some maternal instinct that’s supposed to kick in and prevent people from giving their kids names that get them beat up all through junior high?

Posted by: Gib at November 29, 2004 at 11:11 am

Dude, do you people really think anyone is going to beat up the kids of Gwen Paltrow, Julia Roberts or Chris Rock (Lola Rock)? You’re cracked. They are going to be sucked up to until they get their own reality shows where they can embarrass themselves and their parents and then get a record deal.

Posted by: Dawn Summers at November 29, 2004 at 11:27 am

Pretty much my plan.

Posted by: Jay at November 29, 2004 at 12:59 pm

I had 4 girls and always wanted to name one of them Monserrat. My husband was fine with it but my family wigged out. I was weak. So I say hold firm to d’artagnan.
Also I think it was Athos and Aramis not Artemis who was a greek goddess and twin of Apollo. I think…I could be wrong.

Posted by: Jennifer at November 29, 2004 at 3:15 pm

You’re right my bad. I should not confuse Bishop Aramis with the pagan Artemis.

Posted by: Von Bek at November 29, 2004 at 3:45 pm

These kids can expect to be beaten in school. When we were expecting our kids we even tested out the initials as we considered names.

Posted by: LargeBill at November 29, 2004 at 5:33 pm

Phinnaeus and Patricia…
What’s next, Bigus Dicus and Incontinentia Buttox?
This just goes to show the whole provinciality complex that our attention-obsessed elites suffer from. They would die tolook sophisticated and worldly.
Aristocracy my ass, really. Why not skip the whole Roman business, and name your children Jawaharlal and Chidambaram?

Posted by: Ivan Lenin at November 29, 2004 at 6:22 pm

Karol (with a “K”),
Hazel and Phinnaeus were once fairly common.
One is a color and the other a good biblical name.
Of course, I expect that the kids will go by Patricia and Walter as adults.
Ron (no, not short for Ronald, Aaron, or Raan’an)

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